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50 plus dating app Switchback,dating 55+ Hawkins,dating 55+ Elias,dating 50 plus Wileyville,dating for seniors Gilmer,dating 40 year old man Chupadero,dating for seniors N Abingtn Twp,dating apps for women Solitude,dating over 30 Aztec,mature women dating Mid Florida,transgender dating Villa Beatriz,dating profile template Rios,mingle dating Quinhagak,adult friend finders Alamo,dating local URB Guanajibo Gdns,dating chat rooms Rough Ready,interracial dating central Roundaway,one night friend Lake Lamoille,local singles Marienville,dating older men Marion Center,I and never told this story to anybody. And I will hardly tell though — I don't promise. I write her now to release, release finally — not to think, not to remember, not to reinterpret. Neither "for someone", nor "for what" and "why". Simply. Yes... It is that, one of the few cases when I do something just like that. Though isn't present, too it isn't simple — to facilitate the soul. Why I tell this story to paper? It is a shame to me to tell it to someone. Always it is a shame to me with those cases in which I was "had" — not physically, morally. Though in this case and physically too. Earlier I kept diaries — but now I in halls, and least of all I would like that someone, having opened my diary, read my soul. Therefore I write this text on a computer, knowing that nobody will find him and won't see. It is a story about my first time with the man, the first time and with the man. Or how other people influence our life as mold from us, or without suspecting that, or intentionally and purposefully, what we will be as a result. Why I specified above "with the man"? I answer. The first times with women, more precisely with girls (and even more precisely with girls), by that moment at me already were, and you won't call it defloration or a defloration — I to myself broke "virgin" itself years in 14 — 15. Same was in 18. A month later or two, after my "full age" birthday. I am not sentimental and not too romantic — I don't remember exact date though I precisely remember that I the first two months after that — remembered. But we will begin in stages. My maiden bedroom — a large bed with the red cover chosen by mother, couple of cases with any waste paper and clothes and the center of composition — the computer. I — at that time the schoolgirl of the 10th class, sit near "the center of composition". The textbook of geography lies on a lap that it was possible to pretend instantly that I am engaged in case mother will decide to glance. On a sistemnik the ancient modem working via phone peeps, and STK-ashnaya the card rolls nearby. Time of the connected Internet is strongly limited therefore mother's peeping to the room and various questions, such as "when we will eat? it is a lot of you to learn still?", etc. wildly irritate. I open a mail agent — my favourite client first to this day for fast messages. A lot of pages with a various porno, erotic stories and pictures. Well and, naturally, one pathetic page with already found report on geography — for the sake of which money for the Internet was allocated. I correspond with several male individuals, to horror illiterate. Though that it is possible to wait for from person who meeting the girl, speaks "Hi". And here the message, from certain Hamlet comes. He greeted and politely asked whether he distracts from important issues. I wrote without mistakes, absolutely precisely I remember a manner to put everywhere dots, adopted by me subsequently and hardly eradicated. And here a manner to put brackets, adopted from the same person, I can't eradicate. The conversation was struck up easily. Hamlet called Ivan, and there were to him 19 years. He stuck to the line of the person romantic, mysterious and clever. I sent me several verses — to google them at me then to a tyam wasn't enough, and at once would learn that that I communicate with anybody other, as with Nietzsche in person. But in exchange, I, having read verses, sincerely I admired him, having noticed that only the person who lived years 50 can write such verses — it isn't less. He was flattered with my appreciation of "the" creativity and haughtily noticed that I not the first say to him that he much more surpassed by intellectual development the age and in general, always came to him easily to find a common language with people of senior generation. I praised otvetno my mental capacities, having told that I am quite clever and read for to 16 — in a word, "the cuckoo praises a rooster for the fact that he praises a cuckoo". The next month I was completely absorbed by communication with this person. I fell asleep with a thought of him, with a thought of him woke up. I didn't eat in the dining room to save money for the Internet and when they were saved — couldn't wait for the end of occupations again to retire with the computer to the small room. We spoke with him about much — about literature, about music, about art. In the course of communication it became clear that he plays two musical instruments, draws that he has the rock group, etc. — generally, was noodles on my ears much (already besides Nietzsche). Everything ended sharply and without special explanations — he was gone. At me it wasn't a photo, contacts weren't, there was only a feeling that he is a person who understands me best on light. I carefully copied correspondence in the vordovsky file, several times even threw off it on a disk when reinstalled a system on a computer, and again then copied "personal" in the folder. Everything I re-read thousand times, I knew by heart all verses and even some especially fallen in love dialogues. It is age, probably, such — reaction just went. I think that also the total absence of friends was the cause of my so fast affection for absolutely stranger. It was the difficult period in my life. At our school after the ninth class of children divided into "clever" and "stupid" and by this criterion two classes were formed. And that class in which I studied, thanks to absolute apathy of the class teacher on an extent 4-ekh years was included in the category of "stupid". As a result, from our class in a class of "clever" had to throw 3 people among whom there were I, and from a class clever — the five stupid in our class. Such here small castling. I wildly didn't want. It is a little history: before I lived in K. and managed to replace 2 times a class there, after moving — week was disaccustomed in one class, and the remained year in another, and only from the fifth class got more or less "the constant list" of schoolmates. It only seems easily. I don't like to be among averages, and every time at me everything began with gaining the authority, and I should have got him — the collective changed. And here again me wanted to tear off from the habitual swamp in which I by right considered myself the queen. Again me wanted to force "to gnaw" the place in the sun. Also, of course, I irritated me, a thought that I just am afraid to change scenery and again to be let in fight. Mother naturally legs and hands was for "a clever class". The girlfriend Anka called every day and persuaded to be translated. Well and as a result, rational got the best — everything was in favor of the translation, except my internal feelings. The first of September passed perfectly — we with the girlfriend felt a little apart, but in general nothing. In the first day Anka was driven by one guy from the place beside me, having shown thereby attention to my person. So we with him also spent the first two weeks, behind a word he in a pocket didn't climb — it was interesting to stir at lessons, plus showed genuine interest in me — all thought that fell in love. Reached that looked continuously at me all changes, on any all-school collecting I sat down on a bench nearby and I strove to put the head on a shoulder — I in reply was confusedly removed. Called Pavel — nearly the best KVN player of school and at the same time the main raspa... дяй. The second forgave in connection with the first. I knew well his father — he came to our house "on blyadki", was a friend of my neighbor criminal. Quite often it was necessary to besiege drunk stickings of this sweet couple. I not to tell that I am direct early got female forms — angular was years up to 16, as well as all little girls. But thanks to "legs from ears" I made an impression years with 12 therefore managed to have been through a lot about one today — horror how many on men. There now, and when Pashkin the father left, having acquired, Igor (neighbor criminal) told about him a lot of interesting. And including about his family. He, appears, there was a terrible tyrant. Da i not only Igor, many about this business knew — that companion strongly beat the wife, quite often drove down the street so that asked for help of neighbors and of the first comers. So, perceive the further narration taking into account what was a template of a relationship between the man and the woman at Pashka, and try to treat him loyally. And here, somehow at a lesson of geography entertaining dialogue took place between us. He learned nothing and told me that I raised a hand and answered to reduce probability that he will be asked. I didn't ask, I told — as and it is necessary, go and answer, and all here. Of course, it was technically not difficult to me to make it, but the command tone had from his party to me not on temper. I refused. He haughtily noticed that it is more best to obey to me him, rules are established here by him, and he will be able to make so, "that any person sitting in this office won't exorcise to me". On me, frankly speaking, impressions didn't make his threat and for the present of strangers I not especially valued attention. And in general — now for me already was a point of honor to it to refuse. To a board called someone another, and our discussion continued to gain new steam. He passed to insults into my address, and I even, probably, after time, could forgive them to him, but not the last. He offended my parents. Couldn't see people whom I didn't see and at all desire. I even didn't begin to answer. He and so on my look understood that it was in vain, and stopped short. But was late, I changed from him. I answered a question of the acute teacher that my neighbor in a school desk just isn't able to behave with girls. And now for him was a point of honor to revenge. About a class — it is necessary to tell it it was faithful to the words, only units, and those furtively communicated with me. Anka confirmed the double-faced nature, keeping ringing to me in the evenings, and being afraid to approach in the afternoon. The class of clever men appeared at all and not a class of clever men — it is even worse than the past, just with the class teacher it was lucky — she fostered them as the. On changes, in the dining room, and at the teachers preferring to close on all eyes it was necessary to me very not with pleasure. Each word was modified and imitated, each detail of my clothes was discussed aloud — he acted not one, there was some more shesterok which added to his "trump" phrases or rather stupid conjectures, or just approvingly neighed. I with firmness beat off all attacks. And I will notice, any I was a whipping boy, there were several people. Just at that time I attracted the greatest interest of him — I resisted, and it isn't bad, well and nevertheless the fresh meat which wasn't in time to bore. Plus, to it was required to humiliate me stronger, than all others, because of originally shown attention — the train of thought of the real weakling. The others or were silent (got used to be silent for many years), or assented to him. Even when the situation was in my hands and I frankly gave all to "derelicts of a class" chance to revenge this bastard for everything — they stayed idle. Told a vtikhushka that abruptly I him, and wasn't dared to be supported. And I stopped trying to hype up this peaceful bog. I tried just not to give herself to bend also all. I should tell it troubled. I came from school, was closed in the room and cried. I scrolled all dirt which is poured out on me in a day in the head — and it sometimes reached very nasty things (I won't begin to go into details, but it wasn't worse, than in some modern movie about school mockeries, teenagers were famous for special cruelty and lack of "brakes" at all times, and I was influenced by it), and I wanted to fall asleep and not to wake up. But I got up in the morning again, put on together with clothes a mask "and me all пох... й" also I went to school with it is proud of the raised head. And so proceeded long enough until I was finished by one case. I will notice here, Pavel time made reconciliation attempts, happened even quite sincere — and I every time with contempt rejected them. I was never able to start talking, indifferently to the person who was my enemy yesterday. Therefore, it turned out that I continued this conflict. Naturally it especially strongly irritated it. As a result, he needed to do nothing, except as fiercely me to hate and continuing begun. And here he somehow swims up to me, with straight eyes as at a mongrel — years of KVN weren't in vain. Apologizes, literally begs. I am zero attention. It doesn't stop trying. I was developed and left directly before his nose, and pushed away it, and just turned away the head, having assumed airs above trees, eventually, just sent in the known direction — is useless. With unprecedented constancy, about a week, every day, he literally falls on knees, begging about forgiveness. At last, I was led — not could I can forgive, only, haughtily told that he purely for himself can consider that he is forgiven, and to my feelings to him there should be no business. But attacks of incredible friendliness from the enemy and on it didn't hurry to stop. He asked to sit down nearby, went a tail, sat down without my permission, and I every time left. It is necessary to tell, he was very dangerous person and for the sake of some purpose could be humiliated very strongly. Or before the person it is obvious stronger him — it would be humiliated only this way. And here, this kotovasiya bothered one day him, he caught for me one in a class, I arranged not without the aid of "faithful citizens" more precisely. I took seat nearby, looks at me the buttered eyes from below up (he a little below me) and mutters something about high feelings. I, in turn, contemptuously look down on him, obviously misunderstanding conversation essences. And here he grabs me hand and tries to kiss. I was naturally turned out under the general laughter from doors — all observed how it became clear. And laughed over me. I would be anyway humiliated — would kiss, and was humiliated that, didn't allow even to come nearer — and it is good, I am a derelict — me has to be creepy to kiss. But an essence not in that, it was an incident one of many. Well you will think — earlier in words quarreled, and here I was solved on action. I won't tell that I got used — I would never get used to it, but also out of the common it wasn't. I considered that I got out of the situation adequately, and it for me was the main thing. Beat out me from a condition of tranquility the fact that he it, appears, not for soul I did recently, and for money. Yes! It turned out that he already decided to recede and leave me very long ago alone — after all to swear at me was to itself in minus, I though not the guy — couldn't beat, but could always humiliate strongly with words, even at the same time without using a mat. On the contrary, his retreat was necessary to someone not on temper — and my further humiliation was paid and someone other as my ex-girlfriend Anyutkaya. She paid every week him 2 hundred, just like salary, and separately 100 rubles were paid for last "kiss", with a hint for the sum it is more if doesn't end with a kiss. I then for the first time faced treachery. To tell what was sick and offensive — anything to be told. We were on friendly terms from the 5th class. I copied that she left me in a difficult situation on her natural cowardice, but such knife in a back — it was beyond! It as it was necessary to hate me?! That she always envied a little — I knew it, but that to make it — it needs really to be hated. With the girlfriend I didn't begin to sort out the relations. Only I let know that I am aware, having called Pavel in another skirmish "the cheap whore", and that for certain reached her that this not just next insult in his address, and a stone in her kitchen garden, not ambiguously I added that, despite ours with him hostility, I at least respected him before it was on sale to the little girl. He from these words is ready to kill me was (indeed nobody loves the truth), he was hardly held. And she ceased to call after that. I found to myself the new girlfriend, from among Pavlushkinykh brought closer, beautiful, but to opposite "available". You know, such little girls who a lot of things allow in relation to themselves, in each class are. Only Anka was from their number too. Hatred to me first fastened their union even more. But, subsequently, when the subject "and Vanka" sputtered out me, Anyutik with the same speed began to envy also the new girlfriend. Probably, it she had a requirement such. In respect of friendship with that girl not with pleasure it was necessary to it — that wasn't able to be on friendly terms absolutely, and besides intercepted male attention that especially upset Anka and what she especially furiously envied subsequently to. This story with the fact that I went to the 11th class to the city ended, having come to mathematical lyceum at the university which later and I entered, and in this class isn't acquainted with further passions. And that's it throughout this period I communicated in network with Ivan. It was lucky the guy what to tell! Then it wasn't necessary to me much — sympathy yes understanding, and he surpassed a task, having let also dust in eyes. I had full freedom to represent him externally it what I wanted. Yes what to dissemble, and internally he sought to appear too it what I wanted. Also it was possible. Thoughts of him saved me from experiences. In me pensive nature woke up to horror! I didn't tell him about all these problems, sought to seem the person cheerful and not depressed by anything. And at me too it turned out. And lied each other. More precisely, he lied, and I didn't finish speaking. After sudden disappearance there was he only in a year or one and a half. I already studied in lyceum, even already finished. Yes, in an interval between a Unified State Examination. We then spoke the whole evening, and now, there was a possibility of a meeting. I didn't insist and didn't even hint. He offered itself, under a look to allow me to listen to "good music", and I answered that I go to the city to take examination just next day and that would be not against a personal meeting. On that also said goodbye. I was simply happy! I will see HIM! I wanted to fall asleep quicker to bring closer the moment of a meeting of which I dreamed so long ago which I as soon as didn't represent any more! I never had an appointment and I it is even simple to walk as other little girls I didn't go. And I went because didn't let — few times I descended and I understood that I there for myself will find nothing interesting. Naturally my imagination read off scale. My naive brain which is brought up by classical literature already drew in detail to itself pictures of great, sacrificial and all-consuming love. With these good impressions I also fell asleep. In the morning 3 and a half hours in the bus, examination at 10 in the morning, and all day waiting. And it is offline. I didn't leave till the evening, to the last bus. And he didn't appear. It was my first "dynamo" and a dinamil not I — me. I went back in perfect devastation, cut in earphones a system on all loudness so the aunt didn't sustain nearby and changed, and absolutely didn't think of anything. I thought more precisely — of it, naturally. I tried to understand why so. I hoped that put not in me, not that I to him am simply uninteresting that he at least will appear in the evening and will tell something that it was busy. But he was gone again. For half a year. You know, I then was naive to horror. And "to horror I am naive" are his words into my account, and I agree with them. It knew that at me reaction went. It knew everything. I knew that I wait, I knew that I idolize, I knew that I dream, I knew that managed to turn all my thoughts. He also counted on that. And I here didn't know. I then had no idea that it is possible so just to play upon someone's heartstrings. And that I such never had a purpose — to force someone to think, dream and suffer. What for? To ego-trip? On me, so it is the most disgusting way of self-affirmation. And here, the curtain opens, I already in halls, the first course of University. And he writes again, probably absolutely the boredom ate and remembered. An excuse was the fact that he sits from other mail which he right there hurried to provide me that we weren't separated" so for a long time any more. I ate everything again. And he, roofing felts changed, roofing felts on the contrary opened the real face, having scented that I cave in. Generally, I became another. Unpleasant. Before it was devilishly easy, even to argue with him. It could taxi skillfully any disagreement so at the same time I managed to give a compliment to me, and to keep up the conversation, and not to give up on the opinion. I could respect others point of view. And here he gained the quality called by tactlessness — on all labels I began to hang, very much became sharp in statements, considering at the same time himself is indisputable right. And I am such person — often I become that someone is wanted to be seen. He wanted to philosophize and that admired him — so it and was. Well and here the offer to meet arrives again. I already it seems don't fly in pink euphoria, only ironically I inquire, isn't it, as last time. He assured that then everything was, naturally (!), not through his fault and that this time it will break, but will come. We exchanged a photo — the ideal was spoiled, but nevertheless went to a meeting. Walked on-over the river — the landscape just excellent was. Fall, the yellow, not fallen down yet trees, my favourite time. In a conversation I the truth uncomfortably felt, and behaved unnaturally — sought to seem more liberated and sociable, than is actually. And so was with it always, I couldn't for some reason with it be oneself, I can tell with an accuracy that this person doesn't know me still, and didn't seek to learn — he the purpose had another. Now here I remember — well to what the idiot was! It under what it was necessary to be an impression to become perfect other person?! I giggled with him when it wasn't ridiculous at all, agreed when I agreed not, gave in in all disputes, admired with what "real" would be not to get and not to surprise for anything me. And I have still only one question to myself — what for? Why it was impossible to be itself? Why I behaved quite so? And I still don't know the answer. But I strongly run forward. I stirred then about any hogwash if only not to be silent. Well, however, we after all managed to find the whole two general subjects — cards and painting. Then exchanged letters, shared impressions in the evening, and he understood that impressions that at me not especially. Well also I quickened about it, wishing to restore the status of "ideal" in my opinion. It turned out at him not especially. But I didn't want to leave an ideal and. It is so much time to cherish and care in himself for a thought of him, to cultivate it, and here it is so simple to cut off? Of course, I couldn't. Or I could, but I didn't want — still I don't know. To tell honestly, during this period — from our first meeting and to the last — my brains were disconnected. At all. I absolutely didn't think of anything. I didn't think whether I am pleasant to him actually, didn't think, what will be farther. He said that it am pleasant — and I trusted, said what loves — too trusted. And he spoke. And in general — I men didn't see before that. I was raised by the grandmother, the ardent man-hater (she had two marriages, in both men became an inveterate drunkard and lived off her). I never, never in life, was kissed on a cheek by the father, and I never felt touches of a male bristle. My head was turned from one smell of a perfume for men. I liked to put the head to it on a breast and to hear how his heart fights - it is indescribable feeling. Besides, maybe, I would have a father — and I wouldn't feel such delight from so simple things. But I felt sorry for me and I embraced only mother. Never I bent the golovushka on a firm male breast hitherto. I, of course, communicated with guys and on quite short leg before — but it was another, it were friends. I with them never coquetted and never provoked their machismo, and for them my inviolability was something sacred. I in general have property to place at once points over "and" — whether the man can count on something except friendship or not. It, maybe, quite roughly for my part, but, in my opinion, would be worse to give vain hopes. And I was never able to leash the man if he to me "as to a hare a stoplight". Courtings from gentlemen who are indifferent for me were always opposite to me. Do you know here how girls quite often do — I don't like him, well and that? And gifts are pleasant, and it is pleasant to perfect on him the "female charms" too. And somehow nothing was necessary to me if itself I agree to friendship and nothing except — please. And that is on the bird's rights, there will be me not pleasant his some hints — and good-bye. And with Vanka at us somehow at once communication went in the course not friendly — his merit. Somehow he dismissed the paws at once (figuratively, in direct I dismissed later), and let me know clearly that he perceives me as the girl — I was jealous moderately, flirted, plus didn't hesitate to talk on frivolous subjects, than wildly confused me. I think, you guessed that after the real meeting a talk on music, art, literature, etc. absolutely became obsolete. And it wasn't favorable to him to remind — I could cling, ask to show talents, and in dirt the person he didn't want. Therefore he preferred to lie at real meetings on those subjects which I didn't manage to check. And I frankly speaking especially didn't listen to him and didn't penetrate, and it is all the same to me already on his lies was. So much it was told that even my brain impressed with him already began to refuse to trust. I pretended what is interesting where it was necessary — I laughed and where it was necessary to be serious — I was serious. We met month two-three, till winter. During this time my first kiss with a male object in his face managed to take place, besides the last month we regularly retired at him to the room where he touched me everywhere where it is only possible (and where it is impossible — too I touched). And it was pleasant to me. I also followed only it. This only thing that I can recognize absolutely precisely, in all honesty — I don't know what feelings I then to it had — I was in love with it or only wished to be in love, but the last month I to him went only from interest carnal. It was pleasant to me when he touched me — and not in respect of excitement, and just it was pleasant. As I got hooked on drug. Here I will tell if frank caress took place to be — it made too attempts to tempt me time, even had the nerve to suggest to manage those types of sex which don't assume defloration. And I then didn't know, the virgin I or not — knew that I had somehow a masturbation with blood, but there was very few blood, and I then didn't betray to it value. And about such types of sex I too then didn't know — intuitively guessed, of course, what it is about, but asked explanations. He explained — diligently, is developed and is detailed, even hurried to assure me that so many do and it is absolutely normal. Like, virginity to the husband, all as is necessary, and itself at the same time managed to have fun. I grinned, wished for fun that he also got such wife, and he answered that he only about such and dreams — and is absolutely serious, well, besides — calculation was on my not settled down brain, I was delighted by him and his positive view of all this quite could confuse me. Well, generally, I all the same flatly refused this offer and considered it offensive. More he about it didn't stammer and obediently waited, continuing to bring whenever possible me is closer to the necessary decision, telling about what I old-fashioned and what not correct principles at me. By the way, if don't grind this nonsense — would come true quicker when I am tried to be set straight at me there is the return reaction, and he the attempts to change my outlook only pushed away. But I all the same didn't keep him waiting long (though it was necessary, probably). I remember that that day I woke up and knew that it will be. I knew that I will go to it for this purpose. Why I decided and that affected it — I don't know, can me just bothered same and there was a wish for some logical continuation. I put on the most beautiful linen, pink color — he somehow said that he loves pink linen on girls, shaved — generally, prepared in all respects. I even still remember a smell of shampoo which I then washed before going to him. I don't wash him any more. And cool there was a shampoo... Well everything is farther on the fulfilled scheme — I at it, turned on the music, Pink Floyd then played. On "warming up" me it needed about an hour. Sexual intercourse lasted 5 — 7 minutes. It is necessary to tell that it didn't expect such succession of events. I thought as usual, polapayet-will feel also to a mug. And, as I admitted a consequence — I thought that a month more precisely it is necessary to cajole. But, it is necessary to tell, in my spirit I drove quickly, even aloud it wasn't necessary to say. On me then there was a tight skirt pencil which we long enough took off by mutual efforts, but as a result it after all was given and decided not to disturb, having left a rebellious belt on me. The jacket was already undone by that moment. It laid me on a small pillow. And at me сердчишко jumps out simply! He pulled together panties. I at that moment didn't look at it, looked somewhere aside. Yes, on a door. Wildly it was a shame. Just extremely. He hung over me in "an emphasis lying", and I, at last, dared to face him. Well to tell — I there for myself consolatory found nothing. He already managed to pull off trousers probably — I didn't see. I "there" didn't look at all. I climbed a hand to me between legs, having forced me them to move apart slightly. It was lowered a little over me a little, and I then felt touch of his dick to the stomach. Without seeing, never before touching and not feeling, I for some reason understood at once THAT it. That it is not his hand, not a leg and that other. Inside everything contracted, I shuddered. Also you know, I didn't feel reverential awe as I dreamed of that — I had a feeling of disgust and dirt. Truth. I speak not out of some hatred. I, running forward, I will tell — I wasn't angry with him minutes, I didn't hate and I don't hold offense (though at first and it was offensive, but it is rather not on him, on itself), even on the contrary — I have property for myself him to justify, wouldn't want — it didn't happen, and the fact that all his image was pure lies — not an essence important, I was glad to be deceived. But then it was very unpleasant to me, inside so jammed — insufferably simply. There was a wish to cry, in any case to cry — there was a wish to begin to roar violently. I for some reason then very much worried that he didn't notice my fear. I looked at him again, and aside, and strongly squeezed jaws to constrain the lump which drove to a throat. I then distinctly began to understand — he a mistake. But I couldn't leave. You know how the rabbit before a boa — sits and looks in the face, it seems and could escape long ago, and he stood in catalepsy and just waits when it is swallowed. Here and I. With this touch I then had a feeling as if with dirt I was covered and as if I already and have nothing to lose. I as took a detached view of all this. As if realized everything for the first time for the last several months. And there was nothing to lose indeed — he felt me I pereshchupat, sex, in fact, was only formality. All excitement, desire — it vanished as if by magic. He began to enter — to me it wasn't sore, wasn't even uncomfortable (hour after all I worked — probably, wet I was enough), but also it wasn't pleasant. Blood too, certainly, wasn't on the basis of what I also drew a conclusion that it after all didn't get my virginity. You know, paper (and you a feminine gender — have to know) — it only men think that it is worth dressing the maid on x... й and she about everything will forget, the brain will be disconnected and will turn she into one big orgasm. And women throughout many centuries support this myth not to injure shaky men's mentality. And I then too preferred not to injure his mentality. And in general, I always stick to the principle "was called a milk mushroom, so полезай in a basket" — I decided on it and if I was solved, there was a wish to make it whenever possible well. I remember distinctly that my brain for a second wasn't obscured, I lay and kept thinking of something. I thought whether well at me it turns out to groan, it can is necessary to whisper something, I tried to move to him towards, it was curved, I closed languidly eyes, in a word, I tried to pretend that to me it is good. Probably, it is strummed looked, and can and isn't present, but as could. In any case, I think, hardly he will remember me as the best woman in the life. Fucked without condom, he asked at the end whether it is possible to terminate on a stomach, I didn't show resistance to this idea also his cum, several moments later it appeared on me. I moved a hand on a stomach a little, smearing it, and tried to pretend that it is extremely pleasant to me, smiled. And, I think, it turned out. On him it was visible that he didn't expect also in the greatest delight from what was seen. Vyshechkoy of course would be still fingers to lick, and I will tell in confidence — it then came to my guilty mind, but I decided not to award him it, extremely the splendid, a show. And then mutual exchange of courtesies, declarations of love, bathtub, tea and my leaving. And I even departed a little, managed to convince myself that everything is good, it noted that I in general quite courageous and that he didn't expect such determination. The truth for a compliment I then didn't consider it, considered more precisely, but as for quite back-handed compliment. An easy kiss at parting — to see off me he something dodged, by the way for the first time. And, when I already stepped for a threshold, speaks to me following: