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When IT comes, I can't stop, it forces me to raise my thick lazy bum from a sofa and to go to the keyboard, reminding the zombie from the second-grade American horror film. But, however, I sat down not to explain my rush. I sat down to create. And someone today I? This question I go on day after day, and every day I learn something brand new about myself. But it is impossible to go in cycles only in itself. Around us millions of people who have the destiny, the thoughts. Kind of I wanted to learn thoughts of all these millions. Perhaps, I would be threatened by it with the next loss of the most part of my mind, but it is worth it. She quietly snuffles. Though isn't present, - in my opinion, listens to knock of the keyboard. In any case, the measured breath sleeping it isn't heard. I wanted her. To fall in love? To fuck? To have sex? To fuck? What floor you won't take - it approaches. Welcome "to fall in love" only behind an exception. In my opinion, can only make love in love, and the others have only wild animal sex. I same and differ in nothing from others. So, I wanted her. It will be more correct. I Wanted her. Here and we will speak. When I saw her thin body, a charming face, at me "Dzin" was distributed, and any dicks of a body reported on the readiness. And now pulls me to vomit. I in the head in a trice had a Plan. To invite - to give to drink - other: All as usual. By the way the turned-up Friend helped with the place and binge. And girls was two. First dances, music. Then, movies: Easy kisses, the reek of alcohol from a mouth. And I greedy sought to feel this body. To dress it at last and to feel sense of relief. And now pulls me to vomit. When the Friend went with other girl to the neighboring room - it was the signal to immediate approach, but She gave unexpected repulse, having left a heap of doubts and misunderstanding on my share. After my persistence, she even more turned obstinate and, having developed facing a window, fell asleep. I didn't leave attention this fact and continued the caress. She woke up and again stopped them. Then, I fell asleep again. And here I was lit up by one of those revelations which overtake me very often and in the most improper places. I suddenly saw not her, and an angel who lay before me. Just the appearance of this angel was human. I thought of that instinctive fight for possession of a female body which from time immemorial conducts a masculine gender, and it became opposite to me. I suddenly understood that all those which deny Darwinism have to look at first at those grimaces, grimaces, at that verbal grandstanding and other bother which representatives of the human race represent at the sight of female individuals. I remember one dog from my childhood. It was the huge cable, and his main feature was the fact that at the sight of any bitch it began to move very ridiculously a basin as if making sexual intercourse. We couldn't look then at him without laughter. And now I am not enough, than I differ from him. It is a new side of madness. I would like to renounce those fetters by which animal instincts connect us. Really I have to wag a tail and move to please a reproduction instinct? In this case I have to recognize that I am only Pavlov's dog who will obey impulses and to renounce a proud rank of the Person. It was my first revelation. And, suddenly, when I looked with other eyes, eyes which I, instead of "Want to take!", speak "I want to give!", I saw the defenseless child. I felt a rare rush of tenderness which forced me to cover with a blanket her naked body. I saw the child who was ten years old quite recently. I thought that she has desires, the dreams and aspirations too. And I to madness wanted to learn about her more. About her and her life. Someone does she want to become? What does she dream of? What her ideals? I spoke to her about it, and itself told about the dreams, about the purposes. I thought what nonsense I talk, and that will be if she suddenly wakes up. She only took a nap. And I suddenly understood that for that time while I saw in her an angel, and then the child, she turned into the girl. In that whose face washed by a moonlight lay on a pillow. It was quiet and shone light silvery light Ya slightly bared her shoulder. It was for me a shoulder of darling. I understood that I came to love this Sleeping Beauty very much. I fell in love in her with all what she could become. I fell in love with her for that particle of joy and light which she can bring to this world. I sincerely wished her good luck. I began to whisper her declarations of love, inclining over her. I went crazy on her. No matter, what will be tomorrow when she wakes up, but today while she slept, I loved her. She took a nap. Then I understood that before me the girl who Is sacred because her body will rise on a sin altar a lot more time sleeps, crippling and killing her I smother. I cried and damned this world, begging to allow her to remain sleeping, to deprive of her a possibility of the choice. And I opened a new side of madness. I understood that the lying girl is a live soul of God which I ruin the acts. I whispered: "Forgive me. I love you, but I so want you". I touched her Sacred body, and dog instincts forced me to cover it with caress. She woke up and again stopped them. Then, I fell asleep again. I felt nausea from the fact of the existence and died.